Every time I close my eyes I see a face I will never see again
Every time I lift my head in a crowd, I search for The Face I will never see again
I know, but still I search
Your face – that tiny, little, scrunched-up, newborn face - that cheeky, impy, always-grinning, child face - that grumpy, I-am-still-sleeping, cheerful `give-us-a-hug-Mum’ grown-up face
Every time I close my eyes that Face is there
Your face…existing no where but behind my eyes
Your smile …..existing nowhere but behind my eyes.
The Face ..the smile, we all long for… and isn’t here….still lives behind my eyes.
(c) Jane Davies 2006
long qt / Ruby Tcf Referred dear jabebeth and family. i can so clearly feel your loss, our 21 year old steph's circumstances are so similar 1983-2005. i suspect long qt too but since she never had a eeg or ecg or any testing of her heartbeat done they said they cannot say. i'm not sure that a dna sample can explain it. have other members of your family been tested? it happened so quickly, it happenend too soon.. incomprehensible
Crazy/ Mum Gnarls Barkley's - Crazy Lyrics always move me. Joel you were more than a little bit crazily eccentric and the only way I can cope is to be a little crazy too and you know what..ITS OK!.
Gnarls Barkley's - Crazy Lyrics
I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind There was something so **PLEASANT** about that place Even your emotions had an echo in so much space
And when you're out there,without care Yeah I was out of touch But it wasn't because I didn't know enough I just knew too much
Does that make me crazy? Does that make me crazy? Does that make me crazy? possibly
And I hope that you are havin' the time of your life But think twice, that's my only advice
Come on now who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are, ha ha ha, bless your soul You really think you're in control
well, I think you're Crazy I think you're Crazy I think you're Crazy Just like me
My heroes had the heart to live their lives out on a limb And all I remember is thinkin' I wanna be like them.
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun And there's no considence I've come And I can die when I'm done
another s.a.d.s victim / Jackie,mum 2. Angel Vicky Johnson (another broken mum ) another young soul taken by this devastating syndrome my heart goes out to you the family of precious joel .. he sounds like a character but all the more reason to miss him from your lives ..
sudden cardiac death ,sudden adult death ,which ever way you label it ,is the most horrendous shock ..we are in our third year now from losing vicky , tests and more tests to see if we show any signs of this sudden killer ..
we have campaigned and work for c-r-y cardiac risk in the young , and we have taken our story to many papers ,and done fundraising for cry ...
email me privately if you want to talk about anything wont you cry4sads@hotmail.com
hugssss jackie xxx
Thoughts on your birthday / Grandma And Grandad Stubbs (grandparents) birthdays come and go but the thoughts of you dont fade away they shine bright inside my mind the feelings strong and amplified it makes me smile it makes me cry your memory is of man boy child you were never bad or wild but brave and bright and so alive.
Thinking of you Joel .
Special thoughts today on your 25th. birthday.
Its still very hard to accept that you are no longer
with us.
We think of you , love you, and miss you all the time>
All our love from Grandma and Grandad.
The words of Live Forever / Mum Artist: Oasis Lyrics
Song: Live Forever
Maybe I don't really want to know How your garden grows I just want to fly Lately did you ever feel the pain In the morning rain As it soaks it to the bone
Maybe I just want to fly I want to live I don't want to die Maybe I just want to breath Maybe I just don't believe Maybe you're the same as me We see things they'll never see You and I are gonna live forever
Maybe I don't really want to know How your garden grows I just want to fly Lately did you ever feel the pain In the morning rain As it soaks it to the bone
Maybe I will never be All the things that I want to be But now is not the time to cry Now's the time to find out why I think you're the same as me We see things they'll never see You and I are gonna live forever We're gonna live forever Gonna live forever Live forever Forever
25th birthday tomorrow / Mum (Mum) Hey Joel
For the first time really since you died I have started to feel really angry this week.
Angry that you had to die so young when so many horrible people live long lives.
Angry that we and all the family have had to face and cope and leave behind lovely happy lives and now pretend everything is ok.
Angry with the way you died without chance to fight.
Angry that we should be celebrating 25 years of you rather than mourning you and missing you.
You will always be our special eldest child and we will never ever stop missing you and wanting you back.
Your Mum and Dad
live forever / JOHN STUBBS (UNCLE) JOE just listening to oasis -live forever a track off definately maybe,i remember you lending that from me and me making a huge fuss about having it back wish i hadn`t now . you will always live forever for me love and miss you joe its the reading festival this weekend and im sure your there in spirit, you loved your festivals it was what you were all about music and meeting people and talking to them never taking people on face value giving everyone a chance,i wish i could be more like that xxxxx uncle john
RIP/ Emma N. (Visitor to Joel's site ) Joel & Joel's family
I has a lovely email from Joel's Mum (Jane) in reply to my email.
Just wanted to say Joel I hope you are watching over your family and missing them terribly, as I am sure they are you.
Tell my Dad I love him and hope he is watching Leeds get promoted this season!!
Lots of love,
Emma xx
RIP Joel, keep shining.
Three Little birds / MUm Bob Marley - Three little Birds
Don't worry about a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right. Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"
Rise up this mornin', Smiled with the risin' sun, Three little birds Pitch by my doorstep Singin' sweet songs Of melodies pure and true, Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:")
Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right." Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"
Rise up this mornin', Smiled with the risin' sun, Three little birds Pitch by my doorstep Singin' sweet songs Of melodies pure and true, Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou:"
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh! Every little thing gonna be all right. Don't worry!" Singin': "Don't worry about a thing" - I won't worry! "'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right" - I won't worry! Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right." Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, oh no! 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!
Hey Joel. Tonight, everyone had a memorial about you. I did'nt go as i thought it would bring too much emotion back, it seemed just too much, although i regret it now. I hadn't wrote here in a while, so i thought i would just let you know I still miss you, and in evreyday life, things crop up that just remind me of you. I love browsing this site, reading all the funny things and memories people write about. We've been having alot of barbecues lately. I havn't been doing it much yet; lighting the fire again at the end, but when i do it reminds me of you.
I really miss you joel!!!! I can't tell you how much i am.
one year on / Grandma And Grandad Stubbs (grandparents)Read >>
one year on / Grandma And Grandad Stubbs (grandparents)
One year on , the pain remains strong, the memories of you are vivid. we remember the happy times , the way you were, your mannerisms, your words of wisdom and interlect, your honesty and bravery, your hats and unusual attire simply uniquie to you Joel. How could we ever forget someone so special.
Sometimes a tear, sometimes a smile. Thankyou for being part of our lives, you were a joy and a fabulous Grandson and friend.
One year on, we are all still so gutted. I just wanna list the things I miss. I miss having a brother on the other side to balance Jack out. You were always so non-mainstream that it validated the part of me that wished to be that way. I miss your conversation, I miss you geek intelect. I miss your presence, I miss the way we got on. I miss your smell, I miss your face, your expressions, the way knew things that nobody else did. I miss the connection you and I had. I miss the conversations. I miss the way you made me feel about the world. You made me feel safe when I was out with you. I miss the way you would stick up for me. I rememebr you trying to get me into Metro's, and you getting angery with the staff on my behalf. You were more loyal and caring than I gave you credit for. Mostly I just miss you: Joel the whole deal, the Joel package.
Thinking about you at this time, it's hard to think its been a year, its hard on all of us. But most of all its hard on you, becuase you are no more. Its so unfair. We will keep your memory alive as much as we can. I like to think there is alot of you in me, I think we were quite similar. Its not right that you are gone.
I’ve found it really difficult to write in here, preferring to leave it to your Mum. Your Mum was always the one with the great words knowing just what to say and just how to react. I was always the one who told you what you should be doing, when you should be doing it…..I really wish I hadn’t done so much of that Joel and let you get on with things the way you wanted to.
I miss so much about you Joel….I miss your knock on my office door in the morning asking if I want a cuppa, I miss you coming back to the house when you’ve missed your bus asking for a lift to work. I loved the fact that you worked for BT and worked on the same floor in Stadium House as Bampy (you never knew him would love to think you have found him xxx) and I. I miss your sense of humour, your laughter in the house. I miss not being able to ask you things.
I can’t believe its been a year…a year since I last talked to you…..I really hope there is something after this life cos I’m really looking forward to seeing you again and giving you a great big hug, and you can fill me in on life the universe and everything. Love and miss you everyday Joel........ Your DadClose
dear joel / Jack Davies (brother)
i dont no if your out there but if your are i bet your online, so, whats it like, lots of clouds and not enough chairs? hope you are keepin well, the last time i saw you you did look a bit pale. dont no if you heard but jacko got of with it, but you probly know that, suppose you have a good view of everything. if u do ever feel like haunting anyone i wouldn't mind if it was me, weird i never thought i would miss your poo chatting but i do...loads! there is a joel shaped hole in my heart and it will always be there, anyways, say hello to jimmy hendrix for bro, love you. Close
Not enough time / Danielle Rayner (Josh's girlfriend )Read >>
Not enough time / Danielle Rayner (Josh's girlfriend )
Hey up Joel I guess this is more regret that I never got the chance to get to know you properly. ts hard to know what to say about someone I barely knew, but in the time I met you we really "clicked" and we got on great. I wish you'd stuck around to keep on chatting about Monty Python and The Young Ones with me. It's mad to think how fast this year has gone... it just goes to show we need to make the most of every single second we have. Like Joni Mitchell says: "Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" How true. What else to say... You should be very proud of your little bro's. And don't worry about Josh, cos I'm right there next to him through all of this. Take care man.
Anyway... here's some Bob Marley lyrics for you. It's always great to meet a fellow Bob fan!!
I woke up this morning, smiled at the rising sun Three little birds pitch by my doorstep, singing sweet songs Of melodies pure and true, singing, This is my message to you Don't worry about a thing, cos every little thing's gonna be all right
Wednesday 8th June 2005 / Mum And Dad
Wednesday 8th June 2005.....your last day on the planet babe.xxxx Your last day in work, your last lunch hour, you last text to us `Hope you are having a great holiday', your last trip home on the bus, the Glastonbury tickets arriving...oh joy of joys! , your last cup of coffee, your last message on msn.
This is too, too hard....if feels like it has just happened...and yet its one year on.
We still can't believe we will never see you ever again.
All our love always and forever. Your loving Mum and Dad. Close
missing you joel / John Stubbs (uncle)
hey joel id just like to tell you 2 things 1) weve got a blackbirds nest in our garden with 3 eggs in it 2)ive also bought a fruit machine of e-bay i wish you were here to share these things with us we all really miss you love uncle john aunty ceri and william Close
Remembering this time last year...Friday night Dad and I went to the local and saw you getting off the bus... so you joined us. We had a lovely evening and Dad even got YOU to buy a round...well almost you only had a fiver on you. Jack Daniels and coke and a ciggie and chatting..your favourite kind of evening.
We had a lovely talk about you, how you felt and your life. You were so happy, the job was going well, you had money in your pocket and as ever Dad and Mum looked after little things like bills! Though you loved paying your `keep' and the money would just appear in the study. Life was very sweet for you..and us.
Saturday night we went to see Return of the Sith...and picked you up in Cardiff centre after work. You were at the wrong end of the station and we ended up waiting in a non waiting area with the car screaming on the mobile for you to run! Your version of running was an almost fast walk and I remember you so clearly crossing the road and getting in the back of the car all stressed out.
At the cinema you recommened the Ben and Jerrys icecream with LOADS of sweet bits in it to me. It was very nice.
The next weekend you were getting ready for a few days in London and a Ben Folds concert with a friend and we were sorting stuff out for holidays. The following weekend we went away. This weekend last year is another beautiful memory son we will both treasure forever. x
I wanna see the X men and noone else in the family really likes Sci fi wish I could go with you.
Tributes and Condolences
but all the more reason to miss him from your lives ..
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